19 August 2013

Confession #64

Pause; August 2013
A few weeks ago, Josh defended his Ph.d. dissertation and was awarded his doctoral degree with flying colors. He may have been a little nervous about it, but I had complete faith in him. Of course he would be passed with flying colors. He is the smarty-ess pants I know!

I am very proud of him, but all of his accomplishments left me thinking, "What am I supposed to be doing?" I graduated college with flying colors and intended to go to grad school after a year break of school. All of my important college professors told me I should continue on after undergrad, and I feel confident I would do great. Now that I'm here and need to apply if I want to go, I'm not sure I want to?

Something I feel like no one ever teaches you is the pause between some things in life. From the beginning of primary school to the end of college you are always looking ahead and pursuing something. After college some girls go to grad school, some get jobs and some get married.

I got lucky and got married and found a job! But am I supposed to continue pursuing something? Do I owe it to all of the women who desperately wanted to go to grad school, but weren't allowed to go to get my master's? Or can I just take a break? I want to be an accomplished young lady, but my mind is having trouble realizing that graduating and finding a good job is an accomplishment.

It would be fun to be the only one of out my siblings and cousins to get my master's, but I like living my peaceful life. I work in a beautiful gallery and while I'm still getting used to New Mexico, it has its pretty moments.

I need to stop the glorification of busy and enjoy living.
And then maybe go to grad school.


  1. "The Life Ready Woman" by shaunti Feldhahn and Robert Lewis......I'm reading it right now and it's really interesting! Seems like something you would like :)

  2. We are miles apart, but experiencing the same thing. How silly!

    Thank you for putting into words (and way more beautifully than I ever could) the dilemma super hip girls like us are facing. I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to continue pursing things, even if those things are unknown, because that is what we are accustomed to. And juggling that thought with the idea of just taking a moment to be content with doing nothing is scary. But I think it is just as important because it gives us time to realize the paths God has aligned for us. I know of situations where this "nothing" state can last three weeks or three years. But I believe, however long it lasts, it shouldn't be misjudged and can be used as a stepping stone to whatever is next!

    Love you!